We embodied the concept of repetition compulsion through bilateral relations.
Scientific Explanation of the Problem of ”I Get Involved with the Maniacs” in Bilateral Relations: Repetition Compulsion
If you always have the same kind of relationships, say things like “I always get involved with maniacs”, “it always happens”, “it happened again”, “x did that and y was the same” it means you are in a repetitive compulsive loop.
To sum up, the mind – let’s call it unconscious – actually wants to go to where the trauma is and solve it. You must try different methods to solve that trauma. The mind aims to change the ultimate feeling – even learning – that you are experiencing because of trauma. But since the behavior cannot be changed, the same events are repeated. At this point trauma is still unresolved, so the same situations and emotions repeat.
The way to get through trauma is to first create conditions similar to the conditions that created that trauma and then to change the behavior pattern of the trauma to affect it. Of course, it is easier said than done. Mind – unconscious – always manages to make the first stage “creating conditions similar to the conditions that created trauma,” happen but the second part, “changing the behavior,” is not that easy. So, the result doesn’t change. People find themselves in the same events, relationships, feelings, and desperation again and again.
It’s like vaccine, or more like a medicine with powerful side effects. Your mind – your unconscious – creates the same hoping that this time you will succeed and solve the problem. You can either choose the other option or you can keep experiencing these traumas by repeating the same choices and patterns forever.
You are the one who let the same things happen. because you actually want to change and change other things even if you’re the same. In order to do that, you have to do something different. You need courage for that. Because when we have the courage to face the trauma, we can change the ending and think about the next step.
Think of it like a piano student practicing. They keep starting from the beginning until they perfect playing it.
The mind actually pushes you to improve yourselves. But it is up to you how many times you will repeat and start from the beginning.
To summarize, the repetition compulsion is a desire for improvement. But if we can’t overcome it, it creates an even more severe trauma – which, on the other hand, makes you face the problem more, because as the degree of pain increases the obligation or possibility to change also increases – hoping that this severe trauma will give you the impulse for change. If we relate it to your love life, and if you can’t change your behavior in a relationship, then the probability of your last relationship being the hardest compared to the others increases. If you can’t still change your behavior, the repetition compulsion is not right for you. Even so, your unconsciousness will find a way to heal you. But knowing these facts can help you a lot through this process.